Growing up, I was really insecure. When I say insecure, I mean insecure….like really scared about what other people thought….actually I was just really scared of people in general. People knew I wasn’t confident and they used it against me in the form of bullying. It sucked.
Eventually, the bullying went away around my junior high years as I got bigger and stronger. Unfortunately, the lack of confidence held on like potent garlic breath…..I just couldn’t shake it…..until one simple, yet profound thing happened around the age of 16.
I GOT MY NEW HAIRCUT!!!
You see, I had a bowl cut. It was pretty long up top, shaved on the sides and I had a butt crack part right down the center. Me and my bowl cut had a relationship for many years….but it had to end.
So one fateful, yet victorious day, I went to Great Clips and got a “George Clooney Caesar Cut” as they called it. You know, a “normal” haircut. Shorter, tight, faded and dead sexy. Oh yes.
This was a big step for me and believe it or not, this haircut changed my life. Sounds dramatic, but it’s true. I was suddenly “normal” and I felt confident. I began making new friends, walking around the school halls with my chest puffed with teenage pride! I had hit my stride.
Although this was great news for my confidence and social life, I look back and become a little sad.
It’s unfortunate that I couldn’t have been more comfortable with myself before this new change. I always tried so hard to fit in, to blend with the crowd, to be just like everybody else. Being different seemed too risky…..it got me nowhere when I was younger…it just led to me getting picked on all the time. So I clung to my new caesar-cut-life-raft as it saved me from the grips of individuality.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with gaining confidence. We’ve all had pivotal times in our lives where we’ve changed for the better. It’s just that, for me, I know where my heart was before I began to grow. I remember being nauseous as I looked at myself in the mirror. I remember feeling scared of someone else throwing gum in my hair or knocking me into the sticker bushes. I remember wearing cover-up on my zits because I was too ashamed to just be a teenager with acne. I remember a lot of the shallow worries that I struggled with growing up. Sometimes, it seems like a waste of a lot of years. Really though, it’s just another part of my story….one that I’m grateful for.
Although the back-story is a little negative, God completely used my confidence as a tool to mold me. As I grew up, I developed my faith in Jesus. I entered college where I grew in so many ways and made so many more great friends. I entered the workforce and learned how to face the daily grind. I met the woman of my dreams and have been blessed with 2 beautiful sons. He has guided and provided.
God has a beautiful way of taking even the lowest of times and creating beauty from them. We’re all who we are today because of where we’ve been. For me, God used my haircut as lighter fluid to get me heading in the direction that He desired for me. The cool part is that He didn’t let me forget where I came from and the obstacles that I faced before life started coming together. Awesome.
So, BE YOU and rediscover your own “haircut moment.” When you do, don’t forget the journey that guided you there. God has a funny way of turning the simplest of things into the most profound, earth-shattering revelations. I pray that you would find your own quirky revelation. One that’s unique to YOUR story!