We’ve been married for 10 years now and the journey has been beautiful messy. By “beautiful messy”, I mean that it’s been real. It’s been full of good times and bad times, challenges and triumphs. Through the messiness has come a beautiful connection and a meaningful life.
A few years into our marriage, we were at a crossroads. We each had our own ideas of how to do things and we butted heads constantly. My pride vs. her stubbornness…..epic battles happened all the time. We were young and had this marriage thing figured out…or so we thought. We each knew everything about everything and the something that the other knew meant nothing because that something wasn’t the very thing that was the “right” thing. Clear as mud? Good.
We chose to press on and make our marriage work. If I were to be honest, we didn’t choose the right road by our own effort. It has been God’s constant grace and patience along the way. Sure, we needed the courage to respond to His direction, but I give credit to Him for the healing that has taken place.
God works in the most ordinary ways sometimes. In our case, He changed our hearts. I became less prideful and more humble. She became less stubborn and more open. Surely the road has been challenging and painful. I thank God for the conflict though. It’s taught us how to fight well. We’re really good at it. It’s taught us how to take the focus off ourselves and place it on Someone else; our Saviour Jesus Christ. It’s amazing what has happened.
As the years have gone by, we have both realized how important it is to keep God at the center of our marriage. When we have God as our filter, we look at each other differently. There’s a hue of patience, a shadow of grace and a reflection of beautiful imperfection. Sure, we still battle sometimes, but that’s normal. We do our best to let God be our referee.
It’s a trickle-down effect really. When God comes 1st, we love each other differently, better, gentler. When this happens, we become less consumed with each other and more interested in others. When this happens, we become God’s hands and feet, thus allowing Him to place us where He wants us. When we are placed in the right place, we are fulfilling the purpose for which we were created. When our purpose is being fulfilled, we are content, our cups runneth over and God is glorified. All this in sync allows us to be better partners, parents and friends. It’s beautiful.
To be realistic, sometimes we suck at putting God 1st. We’re two imperfect people trying to navigate through life. It’s the same for all of us. The only thing that we can do is throw up our hands daily, trusting that as we trip, because we will, God will place a pillow in the right spot to catch our fall. All we can do is get back up, brush off our knees, give each other a kiss and forge on.
God saved my marriage. The unfortunate part is that He was there the whole time. Maybe we just needed to skin our knees a few times to figure that out. Afterall, God seems to be more concerned with our journey vs. the end result….even if the journey is messy. What a blessing to know that there is room to be less-than-perfect.