The Night I Dropped the “F-Bomb”……A Whole Bunch

Day 003 - Shame

You ever have one of those moments that embarrass the heck out of you?  A moment of weakness, where your true feelings come gushing out in an ugly way?  Yeah, I had one of those a few nights ago.

It all started with my computer.  I was trying to fix a problem after a long day at work.  Knowing myself, I should have saved this task for another day……well, things didn’t go as planned.  I couldn’t fix the darn thing.  My relaxing night of watching football turned into a cuss fest.  You heard me, the “f-bomb” came flying out of my mouth faster than….well it was fast…and furious….and repeatedly blatant.  Pretty lame.

My poor wife slowly and quietly left the room and decided to call it a night.  I don’t blame her.  I sat there…by myself….with a stupid computer shining on my face, mocking my inadequacy.  Embarrassment quickly rushed in.  I was humbled to say the least.

I hung my head low, took a deep breath and headed back to the bedroom to ask my wife’s forgiveness.  I wasn’t shouting at her directly, but she had to witness my tantrum.  That wasn’t cool.  Luckily for me, she shrugged it off and gave me a hard time about it.  I’m thankful for that.

So what’s the point of this story?  There’s a few things that come to mind.  First, I am a firm believer that what’s in the heart, eventually comes out of the mouth.  My heart obviously needs some patchwork in the anger and patience area.

Secondly, I am thankful for moments like these.  I’m reminded of how helpless I am in living a righteous, holy life apart from Christ.  I am so far from perfect and it was good to be reminded of that.  God has a funny way of knocking us off of our pedestals, doesn’t he?

Lastly, it’s the times that we fall off the horse where we have the opportunity to get helped back up.  The grace of Jesus allows you and me to get a do-over everyday, multiple times a day.  As a Christian, it’s easy to get caught up in the worries of what other people think.  We all want others to think that we’ve got it all together don’t we?  C’mon, I’m not alone in this, am I?  The truth is, it’s a lie.  None of us have it all together.  None of us fully understand God and His ways.  We all struggle.  We all sin.  We all judge.  We all are hypocrites…every one of our own little Christian selves.

I am not at all condoning my words or actions that night.  I am merely an example of an imperfect Christian, doing my best to dust off my knees after taking a fall.  I used to suck at this.  I used to beat myself to a pulp internally.  Shooting for perfection, but missing it’s mark every time…imagine that.  Not anymore.  There is beauty in even the darkest valleys.  My mess ups are only an opportunity to let Christ’s light shine through me.

I’m learning that people don’t want to interact with perfection, they want to interact with a real person.  Someone who can laugh about their faults.  More importantly, someone who can accept the faults of others.  The more and more I grow, the more and more that I want to be a “real” person.  I want others to see what I’m struggling with and the journey that God is taking me on……”f-bombs” and all.

Have you ever messed up, thus causing an embarrassing moment?  How did you handle that?

God Bless,

Paul

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4 thoughts on “The Night I Dropped the “F-Bomb”……A Whole Bunch

  1. This is a post that will resonate with many! We all fall short, yet for some reason, current times propel us to give the illusion we have it all together. NOT SO! I love your honesty, I love your words, I love YOU for YOU, ‘f- bombs’ and all 🙂

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  2. When it comes to computers I’m lucky to avoid expensive tantrums like throwing various devices out the window of the moving truck.

    Often I can keep my remarks to a benign ‘Come on, thing!’ But most often it devolves into swearing up a storm. Yeah, it gets embarrassing afterward. Thankfully Collin is my only witness, or our roommate if I’m home. I don’t attach shame to it, just do my best to shake it off, and do better next time. It’s not so much the words I say but the loss of control that gets me, but I actually see that as an improvement over the days when I suffered in silence and stayed miserable for days and weeks on end. Now I feel whatever emotion it is, and move on. If I offend or hurt or anger my witnesses I do my best to apologize and ask forgiveness. Collin is a patient man and is usually quick to give it.

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    • Awesome Kristi, thanks for sharing. Loss of control…..great insight, I agree. Unfortunately, it’s those closest to us who get to experience our wrath the most. Thank goodness for grace….from God and our spouses!

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