As I’ve gotten older, I’m realizing that I know less, not more. You would think it would be the opposite, but it’s not. I may understand random things a little better and learn to interact with people in a new way, sure. I’m talking about the deeper stuff. The whole “why am I here?” question and “discovering God’s Will”. Heavy stuff like that.
Sometimes, the harder I dig, the more confused I become. I’m ok with the confusion. With not fully understanding God’s ways. It’s like the finite trying to understand the infinite. The apple trying to understand the orange. Me trying to understand God. It’s darn impossible to fully grasp all of God and what He’s up to. I’m cool with letting God be God and me be me. There’s something freeing about just letting things “be”.
I look at it this way: God wants me to be a willing vessel. A blank canvas. A moldable piece of clay. If I can figure out how to just be and let God do His thing, I don’t need to know all the answers. As God begins to mold me and use me for His glory, His love will be the stamp on my life. That’s the key ingredient here; love. Without love, how in the world will people dive into our story, let alone absorb the Gospel of Jesus Christ?
Jesus hung out with tax collectors, prostitutes and the poor. He loved them. Simple as that. No silly debating, just sharing. Sometimes firmly, but always in love. I want to be like that Guy.
I’ve tried the whole debating thing and, frankly, I suck at it. Not just because I don’t know a lot of stuff, but because it’s not about that. Looking back, there was too much pride involved there. I just wanted to be right. The most meaningful conversations in my life have been over coffee, face to face, openly discussing God, His mysteries and His plan. That’s what it’s all about.
So for now, I’ll just keep searching. Figuring out a way to let God break down my walls and loosen my chains. God is a mystery, one I’m content with not solving.
What answers are you battling to find? Are you ok with not finding them on this side of eternity?